I was listening to Derek O'Neill's radio show The Way this past Monday on dream interpretations and there were two dreams that involved the ocean. Both were very deep and both were connected in some way to being lost at sea. Let's just say I could relate.
I live near the ocean and lately I have been going to the beach every day. It's like home. I watch and I listen to the waves and somehow feel something inside say, "yes, this is how it is - ebb flow ebb flow - Trust in trust." I long to maintain a center point - a resting spot, and yet the flow just seems to flow completely out of my control. like the breath - in, out, in, out. In reaching for a resting spot or an answer, solution, something - I see how I am actually pushing it away from me and creating more discomfort.
It's funny too, because my life is incredibly blessed right now: I live in a beautiful place, I am developing my own business doing what I love and what I feel my purpose is; I just released a beautiful CD; I have friends and family all around me. So what gives? What is this lingering sense of being lost at sea? This feeling that can hit me sometimes leaving me feeling quite uncomfortable and in the unknown?
I am not totally sure what it is, but I am grateful for it. I am grateful because I hold certain spiritual teachings, like "What we focus on expands." And so, when I am feeling lost, I think "Thank you". When I am feeling happy, I think "Thank you". Slowly, slowly I believe this practice of awareness and gratitude helps to bring the polarizations that live within me into Union, transcending a sense of duality and separation.
I remember one time being at Creacon while teaching music in the middle east and was talking to Derek and sharing some of my struggles. His words often still come to me: "Throw out all the other teachings and say thank you for everything"
so that's what I continue to do. When I am too in my head scrolling through all the different teachings, I just breath and say, "Thank you". Try it. It really works.
And in the meantime, why not enjoy the view of the vast deep blue ocean of unknown we are all floating around in right now?
thanks for taking this journey with me. It's so nice to know I am not alone.
love love love
Alicia
