New Moon & Gratitude for Cycles

Yesterday was a new moon. And no I am not talking about the teenage vampire movie.

What is a new moon and why should we care? Over the last five years or so I have become much more conscious of the cycles of the moon and how I might "tune in" to them as a way of being present in my own life and creating what I dream is possible.

I have always had big dreams. This is really not my issue. What I have struggled with is the practical application of day to day practices that help realize these dreams in a realistic, sustainable, and satisfying way. The moon cycle is helpful in this.

Each month there is a new moon that leads to a full moon about 2 weeks later. Many people believe that the new moon is a time to plant seeds or intentions. If you study most religions, both monotheistic and others, the moon - where it is, what month it is, and how big it is often determines sacred days of worship or celebration.

I got to experience this first hand when I was living in the middle east, as the official beginning of Ramadan does not happen until the sighting of the new moon.

Each month, now I set intentions on the new moon. They can be as simple and grounded as, "I am joining the gym" or as expansive as, "each time I sing, my heart awakens". Sometimes I write these intentions down, sometimes I sing them. Sometimes I meditate on them. I don't like rules, so I let myself be free with it. Then when the full moon comes, just about two weeks later, I can see, did I practice? what has been created? I am often amazed at how much has shifted just because I was conscious and had intentions. And often many surprising things happen, events or experiences I myself couldn't have even thought of just two weeks before.

This is who we are: constantly creative beings. And for me, the moon is like a deep well of wisdom. A power center of well-being that acknowledges both our most human and most Divine qualities. Perhaps this is why, we have so many myths about the "dark creatures" coming out on the full moon. A "dark creature" is often a deeply passionate and creative creature and does not have to be perceived as "bad". Not if we allow ourselves to see the truth of who she/he is, and how we honor her/him.

This moon cycle that started yesterday is particularly powerful for me, as it will culminate on the full moon on Dec. 10 while I am in one of my most sacred places - Creacon Prema Agni Lodge

offering a Live Devotional Concert. To be in Ireland, at Creacon and offering the devotion of my heart in song is a dream coming true and my practice with the moon is a part of how it was created. Following Dec. 10, the next new moon is on Christmas eve - how do you love that timing? And so we are in a truly sacred time and when we begin to become conscious, we realize every moment and every moon is sacred. 

To celebrate this sacred time, I will also be offering a Solstice Concert on Dec. 21 right here on Cape Cod at Cultural Center of Cape Cod 7-9pm. I hope you will join us.

so tune in. to the moon and to yourself and allow the deep creative energy within you to flow. flow in service of all you dream and flow in service of all we dream for our world.

And if you are looking for more specific info on the moons and cosmic astrology I can't recommend more highly a new journal by Stephanie Azaria. It is a calendar and an awakening tool.

To stay up to date as to where I am singing and what I am doing please join us on Twitter or Facebook or visit my music page.

Hope to see you at soon share some songs.
love love love
Alicia

Why I Sing by Alicia Mathewson

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since I have blogged. wow.

I have had many blog entries in my head, though none of them made it to the page. Here are the top ten titles that passed through this evolving mind:

1. Bhakti Fest rocked my world, you should go next year.
2. Sweet September (just wrote it as a song instead - LISTEN here)
3. The fall on Cape Cod is miraculous - do I really live here?
4. When am I going to make real money? (self-worth is everything)
5. Have I told you about Derek O'Neill yet? Go play with him in Ireland (or wherever he is.)
6. Seriously, wake up and love yourself. It helps
7. Being an Aunt is pure joy
8. I keep having the same relationships over and over again - YIKES!
9. I love living with my Dad. Who knew?
10. Laugh and everything is easier

And here we are now for "Why I Sing". All ready to write the blog and then....

My Uncle Paul has a heart attack and suddenly leaves the planet. As some of you may know from experience, when someone you love dies, everything changes.

Your sister calls you to watch her kids and you say yes. Your cousin needs a ride from the airport and you are grateful to have a car and the time to do it. Hugs (and food) abound. Love and kindness is flowing and miraculously inside what many of us feel is a horrible experience, there is so much love and healing, you can't help but smile amidst the tears and shock.

This is why I sing. Because when I sing - all is present - love, fear, anger, sadness, truth, beauty, pain & joy.

In singing I acknowledge that I am human and I am Divine. I am the instrument that practices, so that the LOVE that I am comes through me with more and more ease, grace, and truth.

I have not always been a "good singer". In fact, I didn't make my college acapella group because I didn't have a "good ear". I remember singing in a chorus in my late teens and someone saying, "Alicia your scooping voice is great but when you sing in a group you can't do that. Stay on pitch." Not surprisingly, I chose to sing solo most of my life. Rejection can be very painful for me. And so I often avoid it at all costs.

And let me tell you, there IS a great cost to avoiding rejection.

My need to be perfect and not be rejected has kept me from many experiences - both personally and professionally. That is over now. I choose to be me, be free, sing out, and not care how "good" that is. Now, because I’ve been singing my whole life, the choice to INTENTIONALLY sing and learn to chant devotionally has been incredibly awakening for me..

So, what's the difference between singing and chanting? Many people will answer this in different ways, because everyone can only speak from their experience. For me, chanting and devotionally singing has been liberating. Because some of my motivation to sing and perform was coming from thoughts like: "Please love me", "I am not enough" "see me!" “Recognize me!” I often unconsciously created suffering for myself and others as a result of singing (or choosing not to sing out of fear). Chanting allows me to sit back into a space of self-love and acceptance. And then my singing and chanting is in service of my own being and all beings. The practice of chanting exactly as I am, allows me to release old programs like, “I am not enough”. Instead I say, “I am the instrument through which this song comes. May it be peaceful and in service.”

In this practice of chanting and singing intentionally, I apply specific spiritual teachings I have learned, ones like: “I am not the doer”. And “I create my own reality” You know these two teachings? These two infuriatingly paradoxical teachings? When I sing and when I chant, I allow my consciousness to hold the truth of both these vibrations. Through my voice – which is also a vibration, I allow myself to shine in service of my well-being and the well-being of others.

Anyone can do this at any level. In fact, if you think you can't sing or you don't like your voice, to begin a chanting and/or singing practice will absolutely transform your life. Imagine releasing your self from the false notion that you can't sing. Imagine hearing your own voice and loving it.

Be still. Listen to your voice. Love your voice. Share your voice and together we will support each other with kindness, courage, and laughter as we come into exactly who we are. Love. Here to Serve.

And so….

This is why I sing AND why I chant. It gives me courage and joy as I wake each day and face my own fears and the fears of our world. As I allow myself to see the truth in every moment, I breathe and chant and sing and listen.

Can you hear the song of love? YES.
Can you hear the song of joy? YES.
Can you hear the song of anger? YES
Can you hear the song of loss? YES

Can you feel how it's all here to bring us back to our selves? YES.

So sing it. Whatever it is, sing it and let yourself be free.

As one of my new songs says "In every pain there is a pleasure, and in time you will see, every pleasure has its pain, be still now and be free"

Join us at Creacon in Ireland this December and Sing Your True Song - whatever that is.

And enjoy this special chant H'oponopono that I did during my 40 and Fabulous campaign

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Day 32 of 40 and Fabulous!

I can't believe there are only 8 days left. What an amazing journey!

The live show in NYC on Saturday night was such a gift and I am so grateful to Omar at The Alignment Center and all who came out to chant with me and share the love.

Please remember to make a donation if you haven't yet. We have made a dent but have quite a way to go to get to our $40,000 goal. I know we can do it!! https://www.sq-foundation.org/donation/

Remember, you are supporting animals, children, & adults from all over the world to have clean water, food, education, shelter and basic necessities with a consciousness of love and awakening. What's better than that?

Above is a picture of me chanting Om Nimah Shivaya at the Beautiful Anusara in the Apple Event that I was blessed to participate in while in NYC. so much love. so much yoga.

Next stop Bhakti Fest in September with all my SQ Wellness pals!! yahoo.

Be Still. Be Happy. EnJOY the lazy days of August!

love love love
Alicia

Interviewed on WQRC Sunday Journal about SQ Foundation!

Happy foggy Monday!

My interview about 40 and Fabulous! was aired yesterday here locally on Cape Cod. You can hear the podcast for the next week here:

http://www.wqrc.com/page.php?page_id=33500

CLick on SQ FOUNDATION.

hope to see you in NYC this Saturday!

40 and Fabulous Live in NYC!!!

Sat August 13 7pm at The Alignment Center in NYC

40 and Fabulous! Live Devotional Concert
offered by Alicia Mathewson

It is with grace and gratitude that I announce we will be sharing the 40 and Fabulous campaign LIVE at the Alignment Center on Saturday night August 13 in NYC. It’s a full moon and we are going to have some chanting and musical fun. I started this campaign to inspire myself first and foremost. I have been a singer since the age of 3 and been sharing my music as a songwriter and composer for as along as I can remember. After meeting Derek O’Neill and joining SQ Wellness, my relationship to my voice, music, and singing couldn’t help but change. I became more and more interested with devotional singing and the practice of what some call kirtan or bhakti yoga. Over the last 18 days (I started on July 15) I have been offering a chant a day on-line on my youtube channel to celebrate being alive and being almost 40 (Aug 24 is the day). I hope to inspire others to share themselves however they dream and financially support SQ Foundation ($40 suggested).

We are in so much abundance and it is time to be who we are and love all, serve all – beginning with our own hearts and creative energy. So come on Saturday and join in the fun. If you have already donated to the Foundation, THANK YOU, it’s only $5 cash for you!

All others will be asked to offer $20 cash or write a check on the spot to SQ Foundation for $10-$400 and pay only an additional $5 in cash. Join me (with lots of friends) and let’s sing/chant our way into the full moon and a whole new world! Tune in directly at the SOUNDING STILL YOUTUBE CHANNEL or visit www.aliciamathewson.com.

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

For more info on SQ Foundation visit www.sq-foundation.org

Day 14 of 40 and Fabulous! Thank You!!

DAY 4 of 40 and Fabulous: Lokah Samastah - Dance it out!

This one was so much fun!!

Only $1/day for 40 days. Please help us reach our goal!! DONATE

Learn more about the projects you are helping to support here: PROJECTS

40 and Fabulous! 40 chants in 40 days for $40,000

No I am not 40 yet. But it is approaching, exactly 38 days away as of now.

To celebrate this wonderful moment in my experience I have decided to sing 40 chants in 40 days. What is a chant and where I am getting these? These chants have become known to me through my practice of yoga and spiritual healing. Like those of us who grew up in American modern Christian, Jewish, (or other religious tradition), we may have certain chants or songs that resonate with us as an offering of devotion to God or some form of Divine moment in our lives. As I continue to explore the healing power of sound and music in my life, I am more and more aware of how the actual singing and conscious practice of chanting helps me to feel well, happy, balanced, and better able to be in service to others.

Because of this and in celebration of the abundant health and happiness that I am experiencing in my life right now, I am offering these 40 days to myself and all of you in hopes you will honor me by donating $40 to SQ Foundation, an organization that is very much aligned with my heart and all that I hold dear.

Why not raise some money before there is some kind of health or spiritual crisis? Why not say, hey, I'm 40 and Fabulous and I offer all that I have in service of others.

Please join me over these next 40 days. Tune in.

Celebrate the fabulousness of who you are, at whatever age and whatever place and acknowledge that you too have so much to share with the world. Once you tune into some chants you can donate directly on the SQ Website Donation Page. Be sure to put in the "in honor" text box "40 and fabulous" so we can keep track.

If 1000 people offer $1/day for 40 days, WE raise together $40,000. It's that easy! We are the ones we have been waiting for!

Thank you for helping me feel 40 and Fabulous!

Tune in on YOUTUBE or FACEBOOK for regular updates throughout the 40 days

love love love!

Gay Marriage and Mental Health: Could it be the 60's again?

I have been thinking about this blog for about 10 days and am finally typing it now, as a client just serendipitously cancelled her session. I love it when the universe says: Now! Write the blog now!

Last week NY state legalized gay marriage and I must admit I have not been one on the front lines of that movement. I was at multiple GLBT rallies throughout my day and with the writing of my musical Love according to Luc became very involved in the GLBT movement within liberal Christian communities, but the whole marriage thing just seemed uninteresting to me. I used to even say things like, "Shouldn't we be working on eradicating poverty vs. whether rich gay people can get married? What's so great about marriage?"

So you can imagine my surprise as I found myself feeling truly emotional when hearing about the decision. It was like my whole little angry activist life from age 19 on flashed before my eyes and and I took a sigh of relief. I remember when a good friend referred to her partner as her wife, and I felt a little uncomfortable. "She can't say that," I thought, "that's not right". I had been out as a lesbian for almost 15 years and still this use of the word wife triggered some ingrained message in me that said a wife must have a husband. a wife can't have a wife. This is how powerful our mental programming can be. And unless we become conscious of the lies we tell ourselves, and the "rules" we've collectively agreed upon, peace - inside and out - become difficult to nurture. I listened to Ani DIfranco all day to celebrate and it was a wonderful honoring of my younger self and all the amazing souls I walked and worked beside over the last 20 years. Well done you big queers!

Prior to this moment of integration, I attended a conference led by the National Empowerment Center to help my cousin Elizabeth Kenny perform her lauded theater piece SICK. This piece of theater is about Elizabeth's own journey through misdiagnosis, medication, madness, and ultimate recovery, healing, and THRIVING. At this conference, Elizabeth and I accidentally became a part of what we started to describe as a grass-roots civil rights movement. I felt like I was in the 60's again (even though I wasn't really there the first time around), and people were coming together, speaking their truths and asking questions about how our current healthcare system (and the pharmaceutical companies) are not just neglecting people but actively disempowering and hurting people. I encourage you to check out Elizabeth's play and learn more by taking a look at her reading list.

As someone who has experienced depression and anxiety in my own life, this experience was hugely awakening and empowered me to believe that what I am creating with Sounding Still Wellness is needed more than ever. Speaking of which if you haven't yet joined me on Facebook please do by clicking here and clicking like: https://www.facebook.com/soundingstill

On a lighter and perhaps less intellectual note (Thank God!), I am doing a lot of singing and would love for you to come listen to me live. On July 1 and July 8 I am at Cape Cod Chat House in Dennis and on July 20 I will be singing at the Cotuit Center for the Arts. I am also about to launch a very exciting musical project online to help raise money for SQ Foundation. So Stay tuned!

enjoy the summer. love yourself. accept what is. be happy.

If it is the 60's again, why not take the Beatles advice and LET IT BE!

love love love
Alicia

This Rose is right outside my house. Good growing Dad!

be still and tell the truth (whatever that is)

ahhhh.. summer is here. at least on Cape Cod right now. After over ten days out in the Pacific Northwest, my return to the Cape, east coast time and the new steamy weather has been a little discombobulating. I love that word: discombobulating.

I am recognizing that sometimes it is easiest for me to either "be on the move", meaning I am in the flow of travel, other peoples lives, being present and experiencing what is OR I am "totally grounded", meaning I am in the flow of my own routine where I live with outside structures and demands in place. Where I seem to struggle is in the in between - this place of unknown - like that moment when a wave is not going in or going out. It's like every insecurity I ever have bubbles up and I reach for something - something tangible - something outside of me.

This reach usually manifests in thoughts like, "Why am I not rich yet?," "When am I going to get serious and get a real job? Why do I not have a partner and kids? What is my problem? am I totally lying to myself about everything?" These thoughts are so familiar now, they actually make me laugh - at least when I am conscious and able to see that they are not real. That's the challenge isn't it? to see the thoughts and not attach to them in any way. Even when the thoughts are "good".

In spiritual practice, I have heard people teach that it's the pause between the in breath and the out breath that is the place we are in Union. If this is true, why do the pauses in my own flow of life create so much anxiety and uncomfortableness in my being? perhaps, could it be I really am a control freak posing as a "go with the flow"kind of girl? of course. I am both and always have been. today in this moment and in this world, I am grateful these uneasy feelings don't lead to me texting lewd photos while holding political office.

They do however lead to other self-destructive behaviors. this is the truth I am allowing myself to see and be with. I read a great quote emailed from a friend in Beirut today: In the midst of CONFUSION I will be still and tell the truth. - Iyanla Vanzant

I love this quote, because this is my practice right now. In the ebb and flow of my own breath I experience confusion. and so, I choose to be still and tell the truth.

I have lots of astrological friends that tell me it's all about the stars and the eclipses right now. This may be true, but ultimately I still have to live in my being and I am learning no concept outside of myself really works anymore. damn!

and so, I am grateful for my breath and for the truth that is, whatever they may be.

Wesak Full Moon and Gratitude for the Catholic Church

Today is May 17 and a full moon in Scorpio. As someone who is conscious of numbers and moons and universal energy, this is a particularly auspicious day for me. Not only is it the Wesak Full moon, considered a holy day for Buddhists, It marks the 4th year anniversary of my mother's passing. Now part of me says, so what? Why do we even mark things - especially deaths? isn't that just living in the past? and yet, I feel something in me coming together like never before as I acknowledge the past 4 years.

I have journeyed far and wide, inside and out and I been blessed to sit in many sacred places. As a result, I am more compassionate, wiser, older, younger, smarter, stupider, funnier, sadder, sillier, more serious, and basically much more of who I truly am. I have seen the darkest parts of me and the lightest parts of me. I am learning like Buddha, sometimes it's best to take the middle path and like Jesus, you may have to feel the drama of hanging on a cross and then resurrecting like a dove. It's all good and all here to show me who I am. We are given experiences. It's our choice how we feel about them. And our feelings are our greatest messengers.

Now, when you are in your shit and are overwhelmed by your feelings, that last sentence may not be so helpful. in fact it may just piss you off. Isn't that wonderful?

Grief is a personal and a universal process, just like being human. There are many books written about it and proclaimed experts on it. But my truth is, the deepest and most life-changing experiences can never be read in a book or taught to you by someone else. They must be lived, felt, shared and integrated into the unique Being you are. So go into yourself. Feel, Live, Be and Trust. Acknowledge that which you feel you have lost and let it go. Acknowledge that which you are and celebrate it. The world needs us to love ourselves, let go and be compassionate deep within our own hearts. And with this Self Love, we then serve others with purity of heart and grace.

On Sunday, when I attended a memorial mass for my mother at Our Lady of Hope Catholic church in West Barnstable, I was struck by the gift of being born into a catholic religious tradition. Why you may ask? especially given the current state of churches in general. Because through that tradition, I was taught the honor of service to others, service to your parents, service to your children. Amidst all the other stuff I got - fear and guilt, sexual repression, devaluing of the feminine energy, suggestions that we were better than everyone else - I got that Christ and the church was about service. Serve those that need help. And I now realize it was my mother and father (and grandparents and aunts and uncles) that best embodied this and it was their church that helped them do this. so thank you Catholic Church.

On this 4th anniversary of my mothers's passing I give great thanks to her for being my first teacher and my first human embodiment of God. By her actions and her faith, she showed the power of Being with an energy higher than herself - whether you call that Jesus, Holy Spirit, Buddha, Mother Mary, Ganesha, Higher Power, or God - it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you honor a space within you that is life-giving and when you are having trouble accessing that space, serve others. It is often the quickest way back to your True Self - JOY.

I am so grateful that on this day and everyday, the voice of my mother is within me and it says, like she so often said in the last ten years of her life:

ALL IS WELL.

Back to the Mat - the journey never ends

How many times have you returned to something that makes you feel good and wondered why you left it or stopped doing it in the first place?

This seems to be a theme in my life - especially with yoga. On the one hand I chalk it up to my virgoian all-or-nothing personality, but it also makes me wonder if we aren't just like flowers. We have times of winter and rest and times of spring and blooming. This is not a new metaphor to anyone and yet each time I return to my yoga mat, after not having been there it's like a brand new revelation. I remember my body. I honor my body. I grieve for the truth that I have been ignoring my body. And I give thanks for being back - back to my body and back to the mat.

In the last three days I have been blessed to return to the mat and am grateful for the new and expanding presence of yoga on Cape Cod. Last night I began an Intro Series at Power Yoga of Cape Cod. I have always resisted Power Yoga in ignorance of what it truly is. This recent experience, has helped me realize that the name of the yoga class doesn't matter to me anymore. All that matters is that I get back to the mat in a class that works for me in that moment. And like everything, what works in the moment is always changing. Just like us.

My first yoga class was in Northampton, MA in 1995 with Arden Pierce. The only reason I got to the yoga class was because I was living with Arden and there had always been this small voice in my head that said, hmmm, I should do yoga. I was blessed to be welcomed into this physical and mindful practice by someone with so much knowledge and compassion. That isn't always the case. And as you journey out into the many yoga options we have today, remember to trust your own sense of what works for you. Arden has since expanded into yoga therapy and is still practicing in Northampton.

In 1997 I moved to New York and decided I had been "spoiled". I couldn't find a yoga class that didn't make me tense. (the truth is I didn't look that hard) And so believing that yoga was supposed to decrease my stress I stayed away - for about 10 years. Instead I found exercise at the YMCA and with trainers and running around Prospect Park - again not always staying consistent. Finally in January of 2007, I recomitted again to yoga and started practicing at a studio in Soho called Vira Yoga with a teacher named Julie Dohrman. Here I learned about anusara yoga which I experienced as a combination of "opening to grace" and demanding physical alignment. It was a perfect integration for me at the time.

After this powerful experience of Anusara, I again believed that this was the only yoga I would practice. Once again, I was "spoiled". I left NYC in 2009, had a short stint on the Cape and then lived in the Middle East for a year and a half. In Cairo, there was very little yoga and it didn't come close to what I was used to experiencing in NYC. In Beirut, there was a lot of yoga, but I was very attached to the way I was used to doing it, and so couldn't get into a groove there. Of course, there was a lot about Beirut that didn't groove with me. And that's not all about Beirut.

My recent discovery of Jill Abraham and Power Yoga is what I need right now. Similiar to anusara, the practice can be demanding physically, but it still holds a space for grace - for internal and organic process.

Like anything we pursue in life, we are often given multiple times to grow and multiple teachers to learn from. Once we realize all teachers are only a reflection of our teacher within, we become much more open to the experience and trust the changes, not needing to hold on to our limited minds that tell us, "oh no I can't do that kind of yoga" or "This is my favorite teacher and way to learn". Sometimes just getting back on the mat is all we need to do to remember the power and importance of being in our bodies.

thank you to all my yoga teachers and yoga teachers all around the world. I promise myself to never stay away again for so long.

Namaste.

And if you live on Cape Cod, there are many many places to practice yoga.

Tsunami of the Self - Become conscious and choose love

It's been six weeks since I left Beirut and landed back on Cape Cod. Those six weeks have seen incredible change in our world (and within my own personal being). Whether it's the earth or the economy, everybody has something to say about what's happening. Some see these changes as a rebirth into a better world and way of being. Some see them as disastrous and painful filled with suffering and needless loss of human life and dignity. Some see them as a result of greed and environmental ignorance. Some see it as God's plan unfolding perfectly as it should be. Some see it as a sign or call to action they can no longer ignore.

Are they not all true? And how do we hold all these perspectives while moving forward in love and peace and well-being?

I was at a service yesterday on Cape Cod and the speaker quoted Deepak Chopra (can't remember the exact quote) that explored how the need to "be right" creates much suffering. And how our tendency to worry about others - whether in Japan or living in our own house can actually create the very fear we are worrying about. We did a small mindful exercise of surrounding the worry or the one we are worried about with light and holding the highest truth that everyone and everything is WELL RIGHT NOW. This is how miracles happen. When we focus our hearts and mind in love. Taking responsibility for the way fear is running in our OWN BEING is the most powerful service right now. See how it works for you and if you need to, invite yourself to change.

When someone says (in person or on-line), "Oh can you believe all this crazy stuff?" Smile, connect to your heart, and trust all is well. Don't buy into the drama. Focus on your limitless power that exists within you - a miraculous and beautiful light that can shine with a simple smile. Open to what is happening in your own community and in your own mind. Though there may be no earthquake or tsunami, people are experiencing emotional and physical tidal waves all the time - especially now. How can you serve? What do you have to offer those right in front of you? What do you need right now in your life to be well?

We are in the middle of a massive awakening to Humanity and this is experienced in dramatic external events like we see in Japan and the Middle East and it is experienced in the hearts and minds of people all over the world who no longer can support their families the way they are used to and may be feeling isolated, separated, and like a failure. If you are in a place of wellness, then SERVE others. If you are in a place of need, then SERVE yourself and ask for help. Now is the time to help and ask for help. There must be a balance.

The best way to begin this process of self-awareness is simply by BEING. notice your own breath. notice your own life. Are you kind? Are you playing with your kids and being present? Are you sharing your financial and emotional wealth? Do you need to ask for help? Does someone around you need your help? How do you feel? YES, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

If you don't know how to be still and become aware of your own thoughts or become overwhelmed by this process, find a community, or a friend, or a book, or a healer to help guide you. If this is all brand new, just begin by spending 5 minutes each day in stillness. let yourself be quiet. let yourself be grateful. trust in what YOU feel and sense and come into the service of who you truly are: A Divine Being here to serve.

We are creating our own reality - personally and collectively. How do you want to participate? With fear or with love?

Blogging on the Bolt Bus to NYC - the gift of emptiness

God bless the USA!

I don't think you can really type that and mean it until you live outside the US for a while and feel every part of your self challenged in every way. Living abroad is for some people. I have learned it is not for me, at least not right now.

I am grateful for every single experience I had and more importantly every person, colleague and student I met. The Egyptian people, as many all over the world are seeing now, are a passionate, loving, intelligent, and creative people that are so ready to allow change to happen they took to the streets demanding freedom. rock on Cairo.

And in Lebanon, I met so many people who have touched my life forever in many ways I have yet to understand. thank you for your generosity and passion for living.

At the end of the day, I realized I am a a little too progressive for the middle east - influenced by so many different cultures over my life - lesbian/queer, new age spiritual, NY artistic - what the hell was I thinking? the truth is I wasn't. I was following my heart - or at least I thought I was. Honestly I still think I was, but then around Nov. my heart changed and it changed very quickly. It said LEAVE NOW. at first I didn't listen, because that was crazy. I had a a 2 year contract and the school was fine and I couldn't just leave. Then I grew uncomfortable emotionally and physically. I started to pray about it - because that's what I do now.

And so I said, dear God, make it clear. If I am supposed to leave make it really clear. And then I grew even more uncomfortable -experiencing deep sadness and lack of sleep. this seemed pretty clear. So, I resigned and headed back to Cape Cod.

Now, on paper, this is not so good. back in MA. no job. no income. no plan. empty.

Thank God for quotes like these:

If we are not empty, we become a block of matter.
We cannot breathe, we cannot think.
To be empty means to be alive, to breathe in and to breathe out.
We cannot be alive if we are not empty.
Emptiness is impermanence, it is change.
We should not complain about impermanence,
because without impermanence, nothing is possible

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Since leaving Beirut, I can feel the balance returning to my being. a sense of stillness, freedom, hope, peace and even of possibility.

None of this makes sense in my head - at least not yet. When I drop into my heart, though, all is well.

thank God for my heart. May it continue to lead me and may I learn to balance and serve myself with gentle truth and compassion, so that I may be in better service of all of Humanity.